So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
