This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
