Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
