I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
