I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
