People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
