Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
