Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
