make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
