Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
