I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
