I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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