But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
