Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Shame - the story of my life.
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