I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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