I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
