how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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