I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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