It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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