I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
