Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
