this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My dick has a subreddit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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