So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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