I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
