I bet he comes in French.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize