If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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