she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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