Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have fence marks all over my body
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
