worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize