I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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