guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
