Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
