I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize