haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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