so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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