i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize