I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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