After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
