i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
