somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
