My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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