Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
