when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
