In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize