is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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