Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
