my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
