i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
