so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
