Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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