just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
