I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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