STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
