We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
