He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
