i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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