i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
