we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
