margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
