i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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