i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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