I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
