We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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