I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
