YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
