watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize