no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize