So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
